I’m an over thinker and have always been one to make things complicated, especially regarding change. I think of the next steps, the commitments, the obstacles, and I get overwhelmed and keep procrastinating and just…never do what needs to be done.
Now, I’m not sure what happened to me this past summer. I don’t know if something clicked, if I experienced a release or an acceptance, or if I just full out snapped. But one night after a lot of angry crying followed by a midnight dance party to old Hilary Duff songs with my sister in the middle of our cul de sac, I came to a decision. I quit my job. Nothing major. Just a hostess job. It’s not like the start of a novel where I completely upturn my life, move to an exotic island or middle-of-nowhere town and take up…I don’t know…falconry or something (although that is a contender, if I’m being completely honest). I simply don’t go to the place where I have to smile at people I don’t like anymore.
It’s the action of doing it that’s the important thing. Of movement. And we always make it out to be this difficult, complex process…but it’s really not. It’s all in that first step. Whether it’s cleaning your apartment, decluttering your inbox, or doing a complete life overhaul, you just have to begin. I know, people say “just do it” all the time and I get how exasperating hearing it is. I was one of those people where I’d think, “Yea, that’s great for you, glad that works for you, but it can’t just be that easy for me because of AB&C.” Now I’m thinking, “Well what the heck was I saying, of course it’s just that easy.” Sure, there will be obstacles. There always are. But that’s what keeps things interesting and makes it all worth it, because you can take pride in having overcome them. And really once you get started, they aren’t as scary as your over-thinking head made them seem.
Now, what am I going to do instead of playing the restaurant equivalent of Tetris with OpenTable?
Not a notion. I have zero plan. I have rent to pay and no source of income and you know what? I’m not worried. I’m weirdly calm about all of this. God will take care of me. So long as I remain open to possibilities and take opportunities as they come, I know that I will be ok. If you’re open and receptive, the universe has its way of responding in kind.
I was at my grandparents’ farm this month and once I got there I saw that the barn finally collapsed. We’ve all been waiting, wondering when it would decide it was time. Grandma said “it finally got tired of slowly losing its dignity.” The farm has always been an oasis for me, a safe haven of peace where time stood still. This barn’s collapsing was a cold reminder that time does not stand still. It doesn’t pause and wait for us to figure things out. Then my grandpa, despite his lamentations about what now to do with the remains, was exclaiming how he’d been wanting the barn to come down. His attitude was a healthy reminder that we mustn’t fight change. We have to embrace it. Things are going to change whether we want them to or not so we might as well enjoy the ride, right? Or better yet, hop into the driver’s seat! This was also the first time I’d driven there by myself and I had never realized what a beautiful drive the last thirty minute stretch is. Previously I’d always been asleep in the passenger seat.
It’s time to stop sleeping in the passenger seat. Be open to the world around you. Embrace change. Take that first step. Just begin.
“God cannot steer a parked car. We have to be moving if we want him to guide us.” – John Bytheway