On Monday we sat and talked about our Life in a Picture exercise, and listening to everyone talk was frustrating because we were falling intro the same traps we did when we formed our relationships and stories with the Space and You and I was annoyed that you had to be there, but I’m glad you did because it was help we needed. I am worried about the conversations and how you’ll be walking around listening to us, because as I mentioned I’m an awkward conversationalist, so it’ll be interesting trying to come up with conversation on the spot for my character that isn’t cheap small talk. We really need thoroughly developed relationships in order for that to work.
On Wednesday I did the energy warmup exercise with Emily. It took a bit for me to feel anything, but a connection was there. I felt a stronger connection when I was covering her than when she was covering me. I felt it stronger on my left side than on my right. Afterwards, everyone was talking about how energized they felt, but her and I both just felt so calmed and soothed.
The first flow session was interesting ~ Meerkat Manner, I think you called it? I don’t know what the pinky cult was about, we all just really like to be a part of something. The energy was interesting. There was a point where I sat on the block in the center and just felt all the different energies flying around me. I didn’t really know where to go or what to do about them. In that moment none of them spoke to me in a certain way I could react to. But, overall, I saw Almanya as the person I was romantically and sexually involved with, but then Bridget was someone I felt a pull towards on a deeper level. We were friends, but there was a connection there that made me more concerned with her feelings. I would go to her sometimes, and I saw that she wanted to keep the eraser on it’s imprint on the floor. The eraser was how I first connected with both Bridget and Almanya. But Bridget had set the eraser down, and then Almanya took it to go offer it and connect with Brandi, and I saw Bridget was upset so I went and because Almanya and I were together and she trusted me, she gave me the eraser and I put it back for Bridget. Then we were all circled around it, and when it was taken I was pissed. I felt the same way as Lizzie – I didn’t want to hurt Julia. I felt like if I tried to get the eraser from her I was going to slam her back into the wall she was crouching against. That flow session felt really good though. I wish we got some of the really good ones on videotape because I’d love to see what it looks like to you.
I loved adding the music. I instantly felt moved. With the first track I found myself in different places because my connections with everyone were so different. When I initially walked out I was a gypsy in the forest. Then I felt a pull towards Miranda so I followed her, and I instantly was on board with the sand when she knelt by Emily. But then that connection felt frail, like I was kind of left out, so I left and ended up by Lizzie (these are the connections I remember). Then I felt a more animal energy and found myself in an Italian courtyard, and we were dancing (not actually, but our energies told me so) at a masquerade and I was drawn to the mysterious figure. Then she moved on and I saw Almanya sitting alone in the corner. I was instantly back in the gypsy forest, and I went to crouch by her, hoping to draw her out of wherever she was. Her eyes were so sad when she looked at me, and she took my hands and put her face in them, and I almost started crying. Then Hannah came over with her sandcastle and I knew Almanya didn’t know what it was, but she smiled, and then we all sat there looking at each other for a bit before you called, “Freeze.”
The second one was crazy. I didn’t feel the goddess thing, and I didn’t expect that, and I think it’s hilarious. I love that the mystical is becoming my trademark. I can handle that. But as I said, when the music started I instantly knew that I was going to die. So I walked my death march, towards my death march, and I laid down and was crucified. I kept my eyes open because I still wanted to be connected with the scene. I didn’t know how people would respond. When they started flocking around me I almost started laughing, I had to bite the insides of my cheeks. I knew they were mourning me when someone took my hand. Someone moved my leg and I wondered if they were going to carry me off to the side, but then Raven started playing with my hair and feeling my side and I thought maybe they were pickpocketing the dead? I was content to just lie there, dead, but then the music changed and I knew I couldn’t stay there. I decided to have my spirit rise and leave. I knew they would probably think I was resurrected, so that was why I didn’t interact with anybody, hoping I could somehow communicated to them that I wasn’t actually there. I only communicated with Emily, because I felt that we were kindred spirits when I was alive, and so in my head I wanted her to be the only one who saw me. So I pulled her in and kissed her head, as an “I love you, but it’s time for me to go.” When I was in my cave, Emily was on the other side of the room and she raised her hand and put her hand on her heart. I did the same, and felt we had an understanding of my leaving and it was a farewell. Before I faded into the alcove, I saw Julia on the ground, and thought she was dead too, so I moved in to offer her my hand, saying, “Come with me.” But then she moved her eyes and I knew she was still alive so I stepped back, thinking “You all help her because I couldn’t be helped.” And I faded away. When people kept watching me and coming up to me, I still didn’t think that they saw me as a goddess, but I knew I was still in the scene, so I thought, “Ok, this is my shrine/memorial and they’re paying their respects” kind of a thing. I suppose I could have left through the door and came back in through the other one and sat at a desk, but I wanted to watch the scene aha. But it was awesome. And after hearing everyone thought I was a goddess, I thought, “Ok, I’ll take that.” I mean, I knew they would think I was resurrected, but I was hoping I could somehow distance myself enough to get the message across that I didn’t. Apparently that didn’t work, but that’s ok. It made it more interesting for everybody. But overall the whole thing was beautiful. I loved the two musical choices you picked.