Silver Linings

always searching for that bright light to hold on to

Viewpoints Day 1

The lying down for relaxation at the beginning reminded me so much of Feldenkrais, and I instantly calmed down. Ha, I’m conditioned to the ways of Feldenkrais. The sinking into the floor and feeling its contact on my body…Feldenkrais. But my head was really uncomfortable and the hard of the floor and the angle of the neck started giving me a migraine in the middle of the relaxation. In Feldenkrais we support our head and neck with towels, so that’s what my body got used to and the sudden change in the surface of contact didn’t sit well with that spot of contact on my head.

The energy exercise was crazy. I was partnered with Hannah and later she told me that she had a hard time focusing. I didn’t have any trouble feeling her energy. The empath in me picked up on something. At first I also had a hard time focusing. I didn’t feel anything. It was easy to focus on sending energy but I was having a hard time receiving it. I felt bad sending my energy out to Hannah because I’ve been holding a lot of negative energy – especially that day. She told me later that she had negative energy as well, so I suppose it’s a good thing we were together so we didn’t bring anybody else down. Once I had managed to relax, receiving Hannah’s energy came easier. My hands were hot and prickling…I felt like I was in some magic school, or in Dragon Ball Z, and waited for yellow light to start glowing between my palms. Our fingers were twitching and our hands would start moving out and around as if on their own accord. At one point the connection was so strong I almost started crying. My eyes filled with tears. Probably had an overload on all that negative energy. When our hands were moving I almost started laughing because it was just so cool. We took only one step back. I didn’t feel the connection lessen, but it was as if Hannah had become a support system and when we stepped back I could feel her farther away and I almost panicked. I, too, was angry when you told us to lower our hands because I wasn’t ready to send it into the space. I was perfectly happy with our little energy bubble and wanted to explore it further. It was strange. But it was awesome.

The first day of viewpoints did have a little bit of “what the…?” but I still enjoyed it. It was really interesting and I didn’t really expect anything..I know people who both hate it and love it. It did get frustrating as the class went on, maybe because I was bored, or because I was getting sick of everyone’s energy…I’m not sure. As I said in class, I was very receptive to everyone’s energy, but I should have said I was closed off to wanting that reception. I know I had a hard time focusing my energy outwards, especially from my legs. I just wanted to curl up in my little bubble. There were times where I would be walking backwards and I could feel someone’s energy, but not right away, so I would stop just before or just as we lightly touched shoulders. I didn’t saloon door anybody. In fact, I didn’t pay any attention to people’s energies. I didn’t want to be followed and I didn’t want to follow anyone, and I was just like “no.” The next round, when we were supposed to stop and just bask in the energy, I got more upset that people would move on quickly or turn away from my energy (That one instance you kept referring to was an exception). There was one time where Lizzie and I stood for a while (and she had a follower behind her), and that was nice. I didn’t really get any sort of impression, I just remember thinking, This is nice. I’m content to just stand here for awhile. I was also more open to possibly following someone, but nobody wanted to be followed by me. I accept that my energy was just too negative for anyone to appreciate. That’s totally fine. I don’t know if anyone else felt it, but during those two really long pauses, just as I said: it was like the one-on-one energy exercise. The heat and tingling we felt in our hands I started feeling all over my body. It was weird. Nice. But strange. I focused on it, trying to be ambitious and see if I could control the levels…yea. I was living in a fantasy novel and got ahead of myself. Still, it was entertaining. I like the pauses. I think that was one of the reasons I increasingly got frustrated as the class went on. I just increasingly wanted to stand and not move. Bask in the stillness. There is such beauty in stillness.

Well, that’s all I have for today! We’ll see what next week brings. [I am not really looking forward to the grid. Not in this moment, at least. Maybe I’ll feel different while on the floor but right now I want to do something else.]

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