First, I’ll touch on our viewpoints sessions from this week (primarily Wednesday).
I did the energy warmup with Courtney this time. The connection felt more subtle, but still very present. There wasn’t so much a heated tingling this time, but I felt her hands printed on mine. You know the heat and the pressure when you press your palms against another’s, measuring your hands? That’s what it felt like. I don’t know what Courtney felt like, but afterwards her eyes looked watery and said she thought she hadn’t been breathing, and I wondered if I stopped breathing at certain points, too.
The first flow session I started on the ground. First I was on a cliff, and then I realized I was on said cliff kneeling at my mother’s grave. But then Julia came over and looked up at me endearingly, and so I had to scratch the grave and set myself in a meadow instead. I wasn’t meshing with the others’ story lines, but I felt such a strong connection to Julia, so I simply followed her. That’s all I remember.
The second one was very much a progressive thing. Almanya and I were childhood friends in the park, and I felt like most of the others were in a similar mindset, with Emily as the “recess supervisor.” Then the music changed and I had grown up and was in proper society, having that moment with Brandi and the chair. It felt very much like one of those dances at court, where you’re as close as you can get without touching, and the chair represented the unspoken intention that hung between us. When I knelt with Courtney over Amanda’s dead body I kept looking back at Brandi. I wanted to get her attention to bring her over, but I didn’t want to the leave the others, so I stayed. Then I ended up by the others of my class at the tall red block, and it felt wrong. I felt misplaced. I started backing away and I suddenly felt very lost and alone. I went to sit on the window, and I was shaking all over. I watched the others scramble around with the shoe and I was very angry, disturbed, and downright disgusted. So that was fun. I definitely like viewpoints best with music. That was all I wanted to do that day. I consider myself a musician before an actress, and the music definitely helps make it easier to define relationships and see myself in a specific place in a specific situation with a specific character. The downside to the music is that it sometimes inhibits me from making connections and from being able to work with the others. The impression that I get from the music is so immediately ingrained into me and I don’t want to change it to accommodate or connect with others, which defeats the point of it being called “Character and Ensemble.”
I am enjoying the Life in Art exercise. It got frustrating at times in the circle, but as things started coming together it’s more enjoyable – especially now that we got up and started walking through it. When you said that I’m the wild card in this scene…that made me nervous. Now I feel extra pressure aha. With my reaction to her speech, I feel like I might go up and slap her right then and there, but I worry about it being too soon, because honestly then I feel like my presence after that is irrelevant..I’m just having a hard time finding a new objective after I confront her, but I know that I can’t worry about “too soon” as you said, because it is only 15 minutes and there is a lot else that’s going on. Hopefully things will be clearer on Monday, when we (hopefully) have Hannah and Bridget.